Stagecoach

            Buses have always been the absolute peng; just from some of the strange things I’ve done or witnessed on them make me giggle. I started riding the buses once I started secondary school, for the first year and half way through the second year there was only 4 buses on the route (625). You had to get to Canterbury bus station to then get a bus to school or walk from the station if missed school bus or just could be bothered. I’d normally walk with mates to school a. for extra time wastage and b. we use to chore sweets out the shop half way up the walk from station to school. Anyway at the begin there was mixed school buses, it was pot luck at which one actually stopped for me as I was near the end of the line so some the earlier ones would be full to the brim of children crammed in like sardines without an actual care for their safety (I remember reading them signs with the amount of people you could seat and have standing and it was always over crowded when I did a head count), I always thought this especially with no seat belts all these poles an accident bare children would get fucked up badly. It kind of got proven when a bus almost toppled over on gypsy corner and the person who 'saved the day' wasn’t even the bus driver or anyone like that it was a breh who was the year above me at archbishops school - and he was the gooniest of goons. 

          On the return journeys homes from school it was always my favourite even from early with the mixed school bus, it was normally a half hour wait once you walked from school to the bus station so me and my friends of the time use to entertain ourselves with the multi-storey car park which was right next to our bay the bus arrived in. we use to spit on people’s heads as they walked passed, shout abuse at people from above and smoke fags - just general fucking about behaviour. Once we got caught out though by some skaters who was at the bottom who we spat on, they snuck up us bashed my mate in the back with his skateboard and was basically giving it to us. They were much older so we all made off on toes down the bridges that linked BHS, Ricemans and the multi-storey after calling him a wanker and telling him to fuck himself. After that though we kinda wised up on what targets to hit, not everyone shrugs things off as easily as others especially when it’s being spat on from a great high to the sounds of 11 year old children giggling like hyenas.

          At the station there was bare groups of friends and it seemed like everyone knew everyone some way or another (where I was from was a small village really so it was inevitable everyone knew at least couple heads). I knew a lot of people, I had an older sister who was in a group of people and also a brother who had another group on the bus... either was I use to move between all the groups being that annoying mouth little first year who would be rude and insult everyone for attention of some sort. There was a big Filipino guy who I use to hang around most the time, think he was few years older than me but where i was innocent looking but foul mouthed he took a liking to me. He was popular guy, well-liked by all so I was pushing myself into the eyesight of most... I remember one day an attractive girl from his school was waiting with us and she was giving it the "ah ain't he cute" bollocks to me, he looked at me like "you gonna take that", I remember turning to her telling her in my most hateful tone "shut up you fucking whore!", that was it everyone was laughing while she was in shock but from then I realised I wanted to be centre of attention making people laugh. Anyway when the bus use to arrive it seemed like all friendships were out the window, it was every man for himself. Random people who weren’t school kids who just wanted the bus home would be sat back watch this carnage our bus got a little famous for, the bus would pull up and every child would bolt to the front to be first on. You always wanted to be at the front but it cost as everyone would bundle on pushing and shoving, crushing you into the door with your face pressed up against the glass. Bus drivers would lose the plot at us, screaming and shout for us to move back and would refuse to open the door until the chaos would calm and formed into an orderly line... This when on for the whole year and half that the 625 existed within my school life.

          My mouth use to get me into trouble a lot, I have always been a relentless piss taker and my mouth has always moved faster than my brain unfortunately. One day when I was sat at the back, I was pissing off this one St. Anselm’s kid who was a few years older. He was tall and gangerly nothing to look at, as if a strong enough wind would pick him up and take him away so I use to take digs at him. I can’t honestly remember what I said but I believe it was over a long period of time I was going on and on and on then I said something (probably about his mum was my main thing back then) and yeah he snapped, full on banged me straight in the eye. I remember looking over at my brother as if i thought he was gonna help me, this older kid has struck your youngest brother and all that. Nah he fully looked at me and told me  deserved it, looking back i completely did but I remember thinking my brother was a prick (not the first time either, but he is normally in the right to be honest). After that day I realised that no one has my back really and some people can’t talk my humour, especially when forced upon them for a good few days every time I saw them haha... After that day though we got on a lot better, banter was shared on both sides and a mutual respect was there.

          After a while the 625 was stopped and each school had a direct bus straight to the gate so there was never an excuse to really fuck about at first, the morning buses where normally quite calm not the same people who would endeavour to catch it after school for the jokes. The Chaucer bus, we shared with Barton court as they're so close but complete worlds apart with the type of student that went to them. Barton court was a grammar school which didn’t have much rep, Chaucer wasn’t the worst school in world but names that were known went there and some element of respect was present. It was around year 9 when all the madness started, generally smoking on buses was considered normal but after a while that wasn’t really enough. One day the back seat caught when me and an assailant kept spraying deodorant (before my heavy aerosol days) and setting fire to it to make a flame thrower. Through that it caught fire, we controlled it at the time but it was the beginning of what next could we do, how much further could we push it before shit kicked off with the driver. After that we use to push our knees up against the back of the wood of the chairs and they'd pop out, sometimes it would take two of you but there were always enough people on the right mind frame to destruction. once they popped out we'd slide the windows across (if weren’t already for the fag smoke) and start breaking up the chair to throw out the window, they weren’t the only things though to get thrown out - water bombs - peoples left over lunch normally fruit like apples etc. - spitting on people on passing and various other horrible things we could get our hands on. After a while we took it upon ourselves that the 915 was a Chaucer bus and Barton court can fuck themselves, bundles happened and got quite out of hand, one time pretty much the whole back seat and co got up and bundled a Barton court first year boy. we went in thought must of been 6/7 of us jumping all on him causing god knows how much pain, it wasn’t evident at the time from my memory but i also believe it wasn’t finished by the time it was my stop (where I was last on in morning i was obviously first off). either way I came into school the next to find the kid had broken his arm and given all our names to the school and bus company to deal with, that morning was a long one I remember being sat outside of the teachers’ lounge where after a while we ended up being suspended for a week and banned from stagecoach till end of the year. For some reason or another though after about a month of our parents giving us lifts we had a bargain with them that we could get our bus passes back as long as for a week we went to the bus station to clean the buses, I never actually went while I know others did and I still got my bus pass back the same time as them.

          I also remember during them times I had a thing about after acting a complete dickhead on the bus i would them go to the camera at the front a hold up my bus pass with my name and photo on it, i thought i was being cool but to be honest that is a huge dickhead move! I was lucky not to of ever been caught through that stupidity, especially when we got took on the residential (when we went away for a week with school to France) one of the appropriate adults that chaperoned was the head of stagecoach a Mr Promfret (who later turned out to be a G). from that though, he knew my name, he knew all about me and my friends it was a huge ego boost like he knew I was a shitbag was a good thing. We use to smoke a resin zoot on the beach in Sangatte go back to the hostel we stayed and chat shit to him, I remember one night him telling everyone the 915 was the worst school bus in the district and I remember feeling so proud! he would also tell us stories of some of the fucked up things that happen on buses and then through questioning he said about how many people actually get caught on camera doing whatever weird fucked up thing they should be doing which was a game changer for me and my stupidity. To be honest after getting to know Pomfret I kinda behaved more on the bus, a new found respect for them. I still smoked on the bus and at one point pissed on the floor to watch it go back and forth as the bus pulled off and braked but my behaviour on buses wasn’t really questioned as much after that residential/suspension/banning.

          My buses journeys were pretty tame since leaving school in all honesty i never really used them i passed my driving test so only when my car was fucked would i bother using them and to be honest, I still really enjoy them. I have a positive smile of happier times when on a bus... Simple things I guess... Anyway this one time when my car was out of action i was forced to try blend in with the peasantry, I walked up to the bus stop opposite the laundrette on the four fathoms corner in Herne Bay to which i immediately went to check the time table to see how long I was to wait till I could get the fuck out of here. The weather was cold and shitty and I had Bell’s palsy at the time so I could actually shut my left eye and the wind was a drain hard on my face. This elderly lady (i use the term lady lightly) who was originally sat on the side of the shelter the same side as the time table was posted up but as I arrived she decided to get up walk to the other side of the shelter and sit down with her back facing me like I was contagious. I thought nothing of it to be honest but thinking back she must of took a disliking to me straight away, I suppose I am a fat bald breh with a hench beard but still she judged me from the split second she clocked me. The bus stop is on a corner of which if you are watching for the bus to arrive you are literally staring at nothing but cars zooming by I was stood there gawping away, as soon as the bus came round the corner this old girl was up on her toes flagging it down. She was stood at the front end of the shelter while I was stood at the back end and as the bus slowed down to pull up he rolled passed her and stopped directly in front of me, the doors open, I stepped on and stated my destination "single to Swalecliffe please". As soon as I had said them words I heard this old girl come from behind me in an agitated voice "don’t you have any manners? not only did i flag this bus down but haven’t you heard of ladies first?!" I choose to ignore her as FUCK what she thinks and I’m not about to get into an argument with a pension on the bus over manners, I got on first - get over it,  she is lucky I didn’t bundle her into the doors. anyway in between me ignoring her and she spouting her hate towards me I had drawn for a tenner, to which the bus driver informed me that he doesn’t have any change as my journey was only a mere £2.10. Then in another hate filled rant this old bint pipes up again "you can’t expect him to have change for you, you should have exact tender" blah blah blah "GET OFF THE BUS". I was getting a little frustrated and I’m sure within a minute I was about to tell everyone to fuck themselves, I turned to get off the bus hardly saying anything i just wanted to get away from the show up of it and the bus drivers looks at me and says "don’t worry mate get on, its free". I hard the biggest crooked grin upon my face as I turned back onto the bus the old bitches face had dropped, speechless, it was fucking PENG beyond belief. That bus driver was a hactual legend to the enth degree. This whole story kind of drove me to write about some of the experiences I have had on buses and how much i have actually learned on the buses throughout my school into adulthood. If anything I would say stagecoach actually taught me more than Chaucer tech ever could.